Where I Found Him and Myself

I had never fully grasped the importance or the necessity of community until I packed my bags and flew to China. I spent years living in the country yearning for something I hadn’t fully understood but needed or had taken for granted because it was such a norm in my previous life. Even if that’s the case, the community I have now is completely different.

Firstly, these are people from different cultures and countries from me, so it’s actually phenomenal to feel this deep connection to them. It’s one thing to sing the same tribal songs, speak the same language eat the same food and feel love, compassion, respect and just be seen by people you grew up with or who look just like you. It’s completely different when those feelings occur with people from different parts of the world.  

I want to share a bit about my community that covers me and the communities I am a part of. University taught me one big lesson: you create your life, you create your experiences, and you are in charge. I would quote what Morgan Freeman said in Lean on Me, but I will leave this a crumb for you to go watch the movie yourself.  

Once I fully grasped the concept that my life was in my hands, I started to reach forward a little more. I started to step into the spaces and environments that were offering the things I desired with a lot more enthusiasm. The biggest, most profound, and life-changing community is my Church, NBCIF. This is a Christian fellowship organization run by international labourers in China from various backgrounds. They are essentially the elders. I see them as the people who buy us pizza and invite us to their beautiful homes to eat KFC. Both things can be true, and in this case, they are.

I truly came to the faith in 2020. It may sound strange to hear because I grew up in church, got baptized at 16 and was deeply involved in several Christian communities as I navigated my early 20s. But when I turned 19, something real happened to me. A truth and reality that God had always known about me came to be known to me. I was diagnosed with a medical condition Mullerian Agenesis. At 19, I was told the period I had been waiting for would never come. I wasn’t truly devastated because I didn’t fully understand the absence. I was yet to experience that. I started smoking weed, a lot of weed, for five years straight.  The beautiful girl my family raised disappeared. My lips got so dark. I kept my job. I wore makeup. I still looked good. People would say oh, you don’t look like you smoke. Weird. Oh, my goodness, they were lying, and I look at those pictures and that time, and I know Jesus saved me because he brought me all the way to China to clean out an addiction and to ensure that he revealed who he was to me. He definitely left the 99 for the one lost sheep that was me.  

Now it’s 2020 November. The world is shaking. I am now all alone in this country and wasn’t alone when I came. But so much changed that he used that time to reveal that he is actually in charge. Eventually, time passed, and I met friends, and someone gifted me a Bible. Everything changed for me. I experienced so much from what I thought would be a glorious revelation. I found Christ, I found love, I am going to build an empire and graduate, and my athletic hunk is going propose, and we will adopt blah blah.  

That never happened. Instead, I faced myself. I was challenged to confront my obsession and deep need for a romantic relationship. Challenged with why I achieved more and was more driven about life when I had a boyfriend – it was because I wanted to be valuable in the relationship. If I can’t bear you children, let me be of use in other means; have my body, have my mind, my energy. Let me prove how good it would be if you keep me. I was challenged with the real meaning of obedience. We don’t obey God because he is an atm machine that we use; our obedience is to cash out gifts and a comfortable life. Jesus isn’t a genie. He is the creator of the universe, the King of Kings, and he gives life. He gave me life, he took everything I thought I needed, he revealed and still does my weakness,  how I was masking and what I wanted people and even myself to think about me. Now, as the loving Father that he is, he didn’t just do this and leave me hanging. He surrounded me with love. So much love that when I saw the love and kindness in my community, I wanted to be able to feel that and eventually give it to someone else one day.  

One thing one of my Bible study elders would say was you are going to reach so many people for God one day; you are going to be able to understand so many people for God, and he is going to use you. I see it now and there is this deep sense of hope that I have. Not only for my life but for the ones I am yet to meet and those whom I share the same community with. I have this faith for us that although we might be young, some younger than others, we are going to be alright. God knows so much about us, and he says he has plans. He planned for me to meet my community, which has been the greatest support for my healing and my development. My community really inspires me. I am surrounded by young men and women with grit, resilience, ambition, faith, honour, and integrity.

Yes, we are a work in progress, and we always will be. I am encouraged and inspired to do more, to be more, to thrive and push myself further so that my community can say: Lebo did it. It’s not that I am doing it for their approval or to gloat. It’s just this desire I have, the respect I have for my mom and wanting to hear her say I am so proud of you Lebo, because of the type of woman she is; kind, honest, loving, hardworking and truthful. Her recognizing me with her upright character makes me feel like, yeah, that definitely is true. So, I feel the exact same way about my church community. Very blessed and honoured to be a part of it. Me writing about them is me living in the truth of the things they have taught me. Bloom where you are planted. God has blessed us all with gifts and talents, and you can do anything you put your mind to as long as it is in line with the principles and teachings of God’s word.  

I am not writing this to convert you, but I am sharing how when one day you see me as a successful economist thriving and looking fabulous, and you wonder how Lebohang Dlodlo made it – just know: God did it. I failed so many times between 2020 to this moment. I had opportunities to turn away from sin, but I didn’t. But eventually, I would approach the throne of the living God in deep repentance after carrying the weight of sin and knowing how dark my life feels without him. And every time, he would embrace me. Now, I don’t want to even do anything to put that space between us. My fear of never hearing from him terrifies me. He is the only thing I deeply and truly need. Only him.