Unraveling Civilization: The Menace of Wire Coat Hangers and Fitted Sheets

Western civilisation is impossible, and completely and utterly crazy.

What other culture gets themselves into situations by inventing things which could bring down the entire structure of civilisation, and culture as we know it and blame it all on tradition?

There are many things which are traditional in society which could ultimately bring us to our downfall. Simple things which batter away at our culture by driving us to distraction, and could lead to our collapse. What am I talking about? Let me give you a couple of examples.

Traditional Troublemakers: Wire Coat Hangers

Traditional wire coat hangers. Have you ever noticed how, no matter how careful you are in placing them in a cupboard, the next time you open the door, they are in a complete and utter tangle which normally takes about two days to untangle and sort out? This is evil. The overwhelming frustration this causes western civilisation is immense, and the distraction they cause is leading to the end of the world as we know it. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that wire coat hangers were placed on this planet by a vastly superior race from a galaxy far, far away, to perpetuate our downfall. Euripides, the Greek dramatist, once said: “Whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.” Well, I think they are doing a fine job so far.

Frustrating Fitted Sheets

But wait, there’s more, possibly even more destructive; and I am talking about fitted sheets. Whoever designed these monstrous items should be hung, drawn and quartered in the village square, in the most traditional manner, of course. I cannot fold them, my wife cannot fold them, and I feel most strongly that they too were placed on this planet to frustrate the human race. Did you know that in the USA, the traffic police use fitted sheets as a sobriety test for drivers? If the drivers can fold a fitted sheet, they are immediately arrested for driving while drunk, because it’s impossible to fold them otherwise. And there is even more.

The Nightmare of Toilet Seats

A while back, there was a catastrophic calamity in our bathroom – no details available – but it required the purchase of a new toilet seat. I went out and bought one, the strongest I could find, one which archaeologists would dig up in 10 000 years and say, what is this? I took it home and unpacked it. So far so good, but inside the package was another package, which I also unwrapped. To my abject horror inside was a vast array of nuts, bolts, washers long tubes short tubes, allen keys, metal slides, hinges and other items which I could not identify. And no instructions.

The Defeat of Western Culture

Surely to fit a toilet seat you should just need two nuts and two bolts? As a feeling of panic started to seep over me, I glanced at the toilet seat on the floor, and it seemed to be smiling at me. Yes, we as a civilisation are finished, western culture and tradition are over, because we are defeated by wire coat hangers, fitted sheets and toilet seats. And many, many trillions of light years away, that vastly superior race that put these things and others like it on our planet, sit back and smile quietly to themselves.

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